missing

So, before leaving New York everyone wrote each other letters to read on the plane. It was sad just writing them let alone reading all the encouraging words everyone wrote to me. I found myself teary eyed writing Dayne's letter as I sat in the apartment alone. He had become one of my best friends and I hated thinking about not having him around. That whole week Nichole and I kept getting sad about leaving even knowing we will see each other again....we WILL make it happen. So, in the airport I began reading them....crying and laughing...all the encouraging things people said I was so sad to leave that community that I grew to love. I found myself crying reading every letter...saving a few for the plane rid where I thought I could cry more without being seen. However, on the plane I sat between two men, not next to Sam. I read Nichole's letter...she had become like my sister...and even reading about all our memories made me cry...wiping away the tears I began reading Dayne's and had to stop reading it twice because it made me cry too much. His words were so encouraging in different ways...knowing my heart and my past hurts. I'm so blessed to have all these brothers and sisters in my life. I love them all and I will miss them way too much.
The plane ride sucked being so tired and emotional. Being home makes the past 5 weeks feel like it was just a dream...like none of it ever even happened. I don't want that. I don't want to feel sad or lonely. Everything the staff told us will happen when we get home feels like it already happened in the past 24 hours.
I know I just need to stay in the word and need to keep busy...keep myself surrounded by people...not just sitting on my bed all day.